Keto Day 6

I think there’s a very decent potential that I’m totally overthinking this shit. I spend so much of my time planning my meals for the day and tweaking snacks to try to hit that 80% fat target that it’s eating into my other daily activities. That’s both unsustainable and unhealthy in mental and emotional terms – physical health be damned.

As you’ll see, I still haven’t hit my percentages for today. No matter what way I rearranged my daily diet plan, I just couldn’t stomach the thought of adding more butter or oil of any iteration into any additional slots. It’s a fucking lot of fat in there already, man. But there are people doing the shit successfully, so I spent some more time googling with the added insights of the past five days, and discovered a fat bomb recipe (I’ll show you once I’ve successfully made it). I also got the collagen-based protein from Bulletproof (the egg-based protein is fine, and was cheap, but it’s not helping me in the ways I need it to right now).

With these adjustments, I feel confident that I’ll be able to get all the way to that 80% marker. But I feel like I’ve said similar shit in the past, so I guess we’ll see.

In other news, one of my regulars at the bar is both a personal trainer and professional dancer, and she had some great insights about my rib pain. She doesn’t think that it’s broken a bruised, but it’s more likely that I pulled a muscle in that area or displaced a rib, both of which can be solved with some purposeful stretching. I told her I already stretched 20 minutes a day and she smiled patronizingly and told me I should be doing at least 30 minutes given how often I exercise.

She also recommend that I start incorporating natural movement exercises into my weekly routines. I’ve been a longtime advocate for MovNat and I suppose it’s time I start putting my money where my mouth is, and roll around on the floor for a while.

No Feet at All

Career Change Two was a flop. I was particularly good at sales, but at some point I had a problem taking money from retirees in the middle of the country just because I talked pretty. I had a small medical procedure done that put me out of commission for a couple weeks, then that spiraled into an Oxycontin-fueled depression.  Turns out that a combination of job dissatisfaction, depressive tendencies, and narcotics isn’t a good mix. Who coulda guessed that, though?!

I moved myself to Southern California for the requisite “Return to Your Parents’ House” that’s so popular among people in my generation. It allowed me the chance to do some regrouping. I took the opportunity to get some degree of sober so as to allow myself some clarity, and I started going to counseling again. That clarity reminded me that I had an interest in the Navy, so I renewed my efforts to join it.

Well… I actually spent a fair amount of time pursuing a career in firefighting while I was in SoCal. My thought was, I’d like to be putting my life in danger in some capacity to save the lives of others. That was my main motivator for going into the military – I think I’m particularly well-suited for dealing with the stresses of being in mortal peril on a regular basis, so I might as well put that to good use. Also, the fire department would have allowed me to start a life with the lady I still consider the love of my life. For some obvious reasons, she took issue with me being away for 6-12 months at a time. That relationship fell through, though, so it was back to the Navy again!

I spent the better part of a year pursuing the Navy thing in earnest, but there were some obvious hurdles. First, I had a few legal infractions in my early twenties (for details, please refer to the yet-to-be-published book). I drove up and down the state of California collecting court documents, then I did it again when they told me they didn’t get everything they needed in the first attempt. Second, I have a sordid past when it comes to substance use and mental health issues. Honestly, I don’t have a huge problem lying about that sort of stuff, but if anybody really did their due diligence, they could find records for those issues. My solution to that was to just apply to jobs that wouldn’t subject me to a Top Secret Security check.

After a year of collecting and filling out paperwork, taking written tests (I got the highest score possible – just sayin’), taking physical tests, driving all over on errands, and dealing with the ABSOLUTE ineptitude of the bureaucrats at the regional recruiting center, I was told that my legal infractions disqualified me. I feel like they could’ve taken less than a year and a half to tell me that, but I guess not. The fine folks in my local recruiting office did everything they could to help me achieve my lifelong dream of being in the military, but at some point we all had to cut our losses.

It’s not easy parting with a lifelong goal. It feels very similar to the loss of a loved one. For me, joining the military was a right of passage; a way of proving that I was more than what everyone thought I was – a loser, a failure, an addict. It’s hard to accept the finality of the “no” I received in that go-round. Instead of really sitting with it, I changed tacks immediately, and moved to Chicago to pursue my other lifelong dreams – writing and comedy. Moving quickly and with conviction is my go-to (a trait that likely would have served me well in the service of my country), but it doesn’t allow for a lot of time to process anything.

Luckily this writing thing really helps with processing, but I’m still looking for an outlet for my badassery. Please let me know if you think of any fun ways to risk my life (ideally for the betterment of society, but I’ll take what I can get), and I will take them into consideration.